Today as I walked into moms room, I saw that the toilet seat needed cleaning. Mom was at the sink. I told an aide and she went to get the cleaning supplies to clean it. I sat down with John and molly in the common area. Tears came. Should I look for another place for her that would be watching her closer? Should I have cleaned it up myself? More tears. John quietly told me everything is fine, she is safe, no place is perfect. There will always be issues that come up. When the aide told us to go ahead to her room, we found her laying down in bed. We said hi and I showed her the angel I brought to her. She said she wanted to hold Molly. So Molly sat with her on her bed. Then she said to me:
I don’t understand where all my family is.
💔 I took a deep breath and said well you know that Kenny was just here on Tuesday right? The three of us had lunch together. She said yes. Then I said have you talked to Ray? She said no. I said tomorrow morning we can try to call him again. She said yes. Then I said how about Bob? She said he sent me flowers for Mother’s Day. I said that’s right and we will try to call him tomorrow too. Then I said that I bet she had talked to Pat today. She said yes and smiled. Then I told her that all her grands and greats are very busy but that hopefully they’ll be able to visit soon. She smiled. I noticed her pillow needed a pillow case so as I picked it up, she said:
I don’t understand where my family went.
💔 Another deep breath. More fighting tears. I said that I’m sure Ray and Bob will visit her soon. Changed the subject to her tv. Got it on, found an old movie. John encouraged her to sit in her new chair. He helped her and she said she liked sitting there. I reminded her to not touch the tv remotes - the aides will do that for her. She said yes.
Stayed a bit longer, told her I’d see her in the morning. Kissed bye, said I love you.
Other notes: we saw Charlene (John’s and my friend who we’ve known forever, is 63, and very sadly has dementia) and she talked just a little with us. Seemed off from other times we’ve seen her.
Met a woman named Betty. Her husband is Bill and is new there. We talked about how hard this all is. Showed us her room - which made us realize that she is living there with her husband. They have a cat.
Anita explained to me that mom is going through a phase where she is very concerned with her depends and wears extras on top of each other. Also, Heather told me mom was sitting in her chair yesterday watching tv and she only had on her top and depends underwear. She thought it was great that she was comfortable. A reminder to not sweat the small stuff. I said well this is her home now so why not feel comfortable in her underwear.
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